You’re Not Strong. You Just Can’t Control Yourself.

I was an angry child.

A fatherless boy trying to prove himself in all the wrong ways.

I overcompensated for my insecurities by being ultra-competitive, quick to violence, and always trying to dominate conversations.

I thought masculinity was about power alone—strength, control, and fear.

I was wrong.

Some kids feared me. Others hated me. A few saw right through me. But eventually, I realized something far worse:

I had made myself an outcast.

Who wants to be friends with someone who is always on the verge of snapping? Being around me was like walking on eggshells.

The False Idea of Strength

For years, I carried the belief that force and intimidation were what made a man. That to be respected, I had to be feared.

But here’s the truth:

A man who lacks control over his emotions is weak.

He is a slave to his impulses, a puppet of his ego.

And deep down, everyone knows it—even himself.

Thankfully, I didn’t need a painful wake-up call to realize this.

I was blessed with self-awareness, and I saw the path I was headed down early on.

The Shift: Becoming Who I Wanted to Be

At first, I changed for selfish reasons. I wanted friends.

So, I played the role of a calm, composed person just to fit in.

But here’s the thing about playing a role—

it eventually becomes part of you.

Over time, patience became my default.

Emotional control became second nature. What started as an act became my identity.

Yet, the fundamental transformation came when I turned to Allah and His Messenger (ﷺ).

I studied their attributes. Their patience. Their wisdom. Their mercy. And I asked myself:

That changed everything.

All men struggle with anger. Including yourself.

Perhaps you're the type to get trapped in rage bait on Threads.

Or the type to lose patience with waiters and retail staff

Or the one screaming out his window —

“YOU USELESS W***ER!” when cut off in traffic.

We all have our moments. But there is no excuse for weakness.

Anger and desire are Shaytan’s two best weapons—

are you going to let him conquer you with them?

Lessons That Transformed Me

1. People don’t insult you. They reveal themselves.

   • Cruelty is a projection of weakness.

   • A strong man does not react to every insult. He chooses what deserves his energy.

   • Often, it’s just them venting their frustrations at you. You happen to be the recipient.

2. Nothing is inherently “good” or “bad.”

   • We decide how to perceive things. Rain is a relief for you some days; other days, it angers you. But the rain falls on you regardless.

   • If someone insults you, it doesn’t mean:

     • What they said is true.

     • They even meant it.

     • You have to be offended.

3.  You choose to be hurt. Don’t dwell on their words. On their attempts to harm. Treat them like rotten children kicking your shins.

4. Patience is divine.

   • Allah is the Most Patient. Imagine if He reacted instantly to our sins. We’d be destroyed in an instant. Yet, He delays. He forgives.

   • Why do we demand patience from Him yet refuse to embody it ourselves?

5. Do you want mercy? Be merciful.

   • Treat people how you want Allah to treat you. The least you could do is the same for someone who cuts you off, insults you or forgets something they promised you.

The Challenge: Control Over Reaction

Starting today:

• Be slow to react.

  • Take a deep breath. Two more. Forgive the person.

  • Their cruelty is simply their own weakness.

  • Ask yourself: “Is this worth getting upset over?”

• Be quick to be kind. 

  • Give people the patience you wish you were given.

• Be someone others find peace in—not someone they fear.

  • Not tension. Not fear. Peace.

• Be like the warmth of the early morning Sun in spring—

  • Purifying, peaceful, and steady.

Be a source of serenity.

True masculinity isn’t about making people fearful of you. It’s about making them feel safe in your presence.

The strongest men I know radiate a quiet confidence.

Emotions do not control a man.

He controls them.

Like the reins on a wild stallion —

gliding, with grace.