How to transform your life in 30 days (without being overwhelmed)

I was ashamed of myself.

I was a smart kid. I did well throughout school as early as I can remember.

I always smashed tests and almost always finished in the top 3, if not first.

Did very well in every subject. The best at a couple.

Relatively athletic and had a lot of friends.

Put in groups for 'gifted kids'. Student council. Awards and certificates. You name it.

I'd imagine telling my younger self, "Five years from now, you'll be broke and lonely, waking up at 4 p.m. after an all-nighter playing Rocket League whilst your mum works two jobs to feed your siblings."

Younger me would be ashamed. Yet that was my reality.

I knew I had all the tools to succeed: a strong work ethic, intelligence, a life purpose in being Muslim, a comfortable home, and people who cared for me.

I was grateful for these blessings… and yet I felt like I was at rock bottom.

"Whilst you sleep through the day and game through the night, you're letting your little sisters go to school without a coat.

You're letting your little brother go to school with shoes that are too tight for him. To the extent his toes bleed.

You're letting your mum work two jobs, her feet blistered, her back sore, and still come home to cook for you.

Do you have no shame at all?"

I would remind myself of the verses where Allah says: "Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins, for indeed, He is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

Or "Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…"  

I would look in the mirror and question myself; "do you genuinely desire change?

Do you truly desire a fulfilling career, a rich social life, loving relationships, a car, and stimulating hobbies?

Or, deep down, you fancy watching your family suffer.

Perhaps you enjoy dishonour and humiliation?

Worst of all, the little money you do have, you spend on RL Credits, bad company, and junk food.

If you aren't willing to do what it takes, I assume you don't want to change.

How many more reels do you need to take action? How many more Goggins videos will you watch before you do the work?

You complain that you can't do anything because you're broke? Do you not have two hands?

Your mother breaks her back whilst you find applying for 5 jobs a day "overwhelming"?

What the hell happened to you that you are weaker now than your 10-year-old self?"

Unlike most, however, it wasn't a catastrophic event that woke me up.

The opposite.

On a routine walk through my local meadows, as I stood witness to the sun cast its first rays through the forest and onto the riverbank ahead of me, I had an epiphany: I just needed to shut up (internally) and be present.

To be grounded, breathe, and stand with sincere intention.

To be grateful.

To be… at peace.

Declutter your mind, and life will soon follow.

It may be obvious to many of you, but I had a profound realisation that day: the quality of my intrusive thoughts was often determined by the endeavour in which I was employed.

Whenever I was truly present in a fruitful activity, it was as though the entirety of my existence—my soul, spirit, body, and mind—was aligned in achieving the outcome.

Like a computer, your mind has a capacity for the number of concurrent tasks it can perform and the number of tabs it can open simultaneously.

The same apprehensions bog down most people's minds;

• Regretful mistakes

• Persistent boredom

• Physical hunger and desires

• Stressful potential occurrences

• Mixed-priority tasks yet to be completed

• Tasks not at the forefront of the mind but in the subconscious

When I focused just on walking, delighting at the birds' song above me, on the crisp morning air, the shadows of swaying leaves in varying intensity upon the ground, and the noble river Soar burbling from afar, all my worries and regrets were in absentia.

I loved praying the dawn prayer here.

I could truly be conscious of Allah by virtue of the meadows' protection from the outside world. The sanctuary is disconnected physically by the forest, horse fields, and rivers that border it, as well as technologically due to its weak service coverage.

Returning to this garden allowed me to escape what should've been the garden in my mind, which was akin to an overgrown, unruly jungle at the time.

You can't change because you don't know what to change.

You haven't changed because you believe there is too much to change.

You won't change because the few comforts you enjoy, or at least pretend to enjoy, are deemed better than what you'll gain in doing so.

Your mind is your enemy because you have disappointed it too often.

You've broken all the promises you've made to yourself, all your duties neglected, and all your responsibilities abandoned.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves…"

So, how do you get out of a rut?

Acceptance.

Part of being grounded is being humble enough to self-reflect consciously, not subconsciously.

Think of the intrusive thoughts disturbing your mind, as it is now, as the spiteful ramblings of a drunkard. Of one who, in his pitiful misery, desires only to drag others into the depths with him.

You must accept where you currently are.

Accept the pain, shame, and guilt as the accumulated cost of not fulfilling your obligations.

Seek forgiveness from Allah and yourself.

You do not have sovereignty over the past. What has happened has happened, forgotten by almost all. Why carry these burdens if all they do is weigh your mind down?

From Paradise, Adam and Eve were expelled after eating from the singular tree from which they were commanded not to eat.

They were deceived by Satan, who swore a solemn oath that it would grant immortality, plotting to expose their nakedness out of envy of Allah creating Adam by His Hand.

The same Satan who whispers those despairing, intrusive thoughts into your mind all day, every day.

Adam was ashamed, but he knew this was a lesson to be learned, as some lessons are only learned through loss and failure.

He accepted his circumstances, took responsibility, and sought forgiveness;

"O our Lord, we have indeed wronged ourselves; if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will most certainly be among those who lose [in this life and the Hereafter]!"

Sincere intention to change.

Truly desire to improve, to rid yourself of whatever vices grip you or regrets encumber your growth.

Find your why.

Humans are driven by two powerful motivators: fear and desire. Fear, however, is a more compelling driving force because it is primal to survival.

Mine were:

• the increasingly desperate financial situation in my home

• the impending risk of homelessness

• the stress of debt on my mother

• the lack of provision for my younger siblings

• the spiralling fear that this poverty would be long-term

Ponder over the experiences you never wish to endure again. Or on those you desperately desire to savour once more.

This is dependent upon you to decide. Some of us are driven more by the potential pain of the stick than the hopes of tasting the carrot's sweetness

Find your purpose. Reverse engineer it into a hierarchy of smaller goals.

Think of your ideal self.

What do they do for a living?

Where in the world are they waking up?

Who do they wake up with? What kind of bed?

What's the first productive task of their day?

Work backwards from there by setting 10-year, 1-year and 3-month goals.

Break down further into daily habits and weekly tasks.

Write this down, be intentional and hold yourself accountable.

If you want to be a fashion designer in 10 years, for example:

• 1 year:

• Be intermediate at making tech packs

• Curate your brand's mood board

• Produce your first three-piece collection by hand

• Be working in the fashion industry

• Have a 1k+ social account based on fashion

• Familiar with fabrics, textiles and sampling

• 3 months:

• Have built a habit of drawing every day

• Attended a show or trade fair

• Making connections with like-minded people

• Tech pack for your first collection

• Posting daily to socials and engaging with peers

• 1 week:

• draw out your first tech pack

• start and curate your social account

• read Fashionpedia

• go to a fashion workshop in town

• make friends with 3 designers/creatives

For a template for finding your purpose, here's my guide to evolving into your ideal self without getting distracted.

Start small.

You may feel overwhelmed with the infinite list of things you want to do.

Pause. Take a deep breath. Exhale.

To become the new you, you have to kill the old one.

Don't think that you'll have to exert your finite energy to add new, healthier habits.

Start by replacing your old ones.

Many games have a stamina bar, depleted by certain actions you perform. The greater the intensity, the more stamina you exert.

Say you have 100 Stamina points a day. The more automatic your habits, the less stamina they consume.

Let's say that brushing your teeth, the most automatic habit for the average person, uses 5 points.

Or that waking up and scrolling on your phone uses 5pts too (you addict).

Your day right now is filled with small, low-intensity, automated tasks that also produce vast amounts of dopamine—unnatural levels.

Going to the gym, starting a business, or approaching a stranger requires too much effort for the reward you receive—at least, you believe so.

So start small.

Don't take your phone to bed; instead, as soon as you wake up, thank Allah for another day.

Apply to one job per day, every day. One sounds like nothing, but when you send an application, you'll immediately want to fill another.

Momentum is powerful, and it will carry you past your limits. Use it.

Jump in headfirst.

Momentum should carry you to the point where one job application per day turns into 27 in an hour.

Where one gym session a week becomes 3.

Where posting one tweet a day becomes 81.

Use this to go all in on the highest leverage action in your life right now.

If you're unemployed, go all in pumping out job applications.

If you're weak, go to failure every single set of every workout.

If you're lonely, reach out to every friend in your phone.

You are a beginner; output is the only lever you have. Maximise it.

Commit to a weekly class/program.

Even the most motivated and disciplined individuals slack off, fail to show up or slide back into old habits.

That's why you need someone else to hold you accountable in public

If you aim to memorise the Qur'an, commit to a weekly class where you recite to a teacher and peers.

If you are committed to building an aesthetic physique, join a football team, take a combat class, or hire a personal trainer.

If you are dedicated to monetising your unique mix of skills and interests, click here to see if we can work together.

Notice how I haven't emphasised getting rid of old habits.

Why not? Because we both know you won't, at least not straight away.

Soon enough, as you slowly create a fulfilling life, building yourself up brick by brick, those bloodthirsty leeches draining you will inevitably detach.

You will reach the point where you'd rather read the Qur'an for 2 hours than play Rocket League.

You will naturally hold yourself to a higher standard, your tolerance for distractions diminishing.

This only stays true if you are consistent with your new, productive habits.

Remember your why; always be conscious of who and what you're persevering for.

Be grateful for the blessings you have previously taken for granted.

Seek repentance for your crimes against Allah and yourself in abandoning your intrinsic nature to serve, protect and provide.

Stand firm. Commit to never allowing yourself to fall off again.

I believe in you.

"O believers! Patiently endure, persevere, stand on guard, and be mindful of Allah, so you may be successful."

Until next week,

Awaale wrote.